Here With Me
by enchantress646
Summary: After years of convincing himself that a lonely future was all that a waited him, Remus finds himself surrendering to old feelings a when friend appears in his home. (The G rating is for Disney) S/R slash.. it's such a strong word...


OK. Starting information. This is not like my song fic "Jimmy's Got A Girlfriend", this is just a tad angsty and oh yeah... no dancing or embarassing people during breakfast ^^  
  
Also this is Sirius/Remus (who are both of the MALE gender incase you're new to this) nothing bad, hense the rating... but still- if it makes you squimish, PRESS THE BACK BUTTON *NOW* Any flames regarding this topic will be ignored and instead used to help hatch my dragon egg. R/R it's your choice.  
  
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Warmth inside a familiar embrace. The scent of *him*, so close and *there*. Never would he ever tire of being in his lovers arms. Raising his head to look into the taller man's face, he reached in to capture his lips. Nothing.  
  
Remus blinked sleepily and cursed his gullibility. Would the dreams never cease...? The embrace had seemed so real... but didn't it always? The morning starting the same as always, waking to an empty bed... and empty apartment. Two years ago it had been miserable... but it had also had the familiarity of being routine. Knowing that he would never come back. A constant support that he knew would never be in his life again. But now it was torture, a constant nagging voice ringing in his mind that now it was possible to be together again. Pushing the sheets away from his body, Remus Lupin dragged himself wearily out of bed for another day. Another day without *him*. He brushed his now long hair back and tied it together. Remus didn't bother to look into the mirror, he knew what would be reflected back at him. A man, a little past his prime, hair beginning to gray, and eyes that were flat and empty. Empty of everything but longing. Longing that could only be filled by one man, Sirius Black. Pulling on some slightly tattered robes, he walked into his kitchen, performing simple tasks, like making tea, his eyes passed over the matching set to the cup and saucer he removed from the cupboard. A bit of dust had collected over the fourteen years he'd left it untouched. It wasn't right, in his mind, to use the cup... or the saucer, it was almost as though Remus enjoyed torturing himself with the fact that Sirius would have never been coming to use them again.  
  
It was silly really. The way he longed after a man he'd never admitted having feelings for. Friendship yes, but anything beyond had been kept in his heart... but all those years he questioned if he should have admitted his feelings towards one of his best friends. Taking a last glance at the cup and saucer, he closed the cupboard, thinking that maybe today he would clean them. It was a thought that came to him every morning... a task he never had the heart to carry out later in the day. Filling his cup, making toast... anything that required little thought in the early morning. He would be able to wallow in self-pity later. Today was Saturday. Their were many things that needed to be done around Remus' small and comfortable house. Ever since leaving his job at Hogwarts... that fateful year, Remus had begun to work at a small library in a nearby small, rural muggle town. It was more volunteer then anything else. The wadges were small, but he could show up to work when he chose, so no one ever questioned his monthly dissapearances. Perfect for Remus, who had become a sort of a recluse in his later life.  
  
It was November, the wind had begun to become a constant chill, so after breakfast Remus went into his living room and lit the fireplace, caring for it until it was a steady roar of warmth and comfort. Standing still for a moment, Remus almost let himself slip into his melancholy thoughts. Sweep. Get the broom, the floor needs a sweep, he reminded himself. After sweeping the living room, he moved into the kitchen and so forth, until he had covered the whole downstairs. Next he dusted. Magic was easier, he knew, but it also took up less time and left Remus too much spare time. Once the rooms were clean, Remus went to the kitchen to pour some milk for the neighborhood cat, who was owned by none and fed by everyone. Opening the refridgerator, Remus almost knocked himself upside the head. He'd forgotten to pick up a carton of milk coming home from work yesterday. Sighing, and walking into the front hall, Remus picked up some muggle money and left to make a short trip to the market. In the safe neighborhood he resided in there was no need to lock doors, so Remus always left his key at home (unless he was taking a trip and would be away for a long period of time).  
  
He walked the short distance from his house into town and stopped in the small shop owned by a dairy farmer. Here he purchased two cartons of milk, and after tipping the lady at the counter, began his walk home. As he turned the corner, he caught the glimpse a black coat of fur among the feet of the villagers in the street. Blinking he looking again, and caught himself sighing as he recognized one of the other cats that roamed free in this town. Looking once again to the path that would lead him home, Remus caught the scent of flowers. A young girl and her father, a vendor, were selling flowers to passerbys. Remus allowed himself a weak smile, there on the in the stands sat two perfect white lilies. It was custom, as the vendor rarely sold lilies, for Remus to purchase them whenever the were available. To him it was to honor his friends, and to prove to them, if they were watching, that he wouldn't forget them. James, he thought to himself, if you could only see the young man your son has become... you would be so proud.  
  
Remus purchased the flowers, along with some spriggs of baby's breath for color, and smiled when the young girl handed him the small bouqet, which was tied together with a deep blue ribbon. Remus blinked, and remembered eyes that were almost that exact shade of blue, glinting mischeviously as they looked at him.  
  
"Are you allright sir?" The young girl asked, glancing at him in uncertainty.  
  
"Yes." Remus answered, blinking back his sadness, and his groceries in one hand and the flowers grasped delicatley in the other, he gave the vendor and his daughter a small nod as he once again treaked back home.  
  
It was silly really, he told himself. The way a grown man can pine over something that never existed in the first place. But even as Remus was putting the flowers into a water filled vase, and placed them on the window sill in his living room... he felt it. That familiar pang in his heart, and the years caught up with them, as they were often doing, and he felt the first hot tear fall down his cheek. Silently he wept, there was no one to hear him, but his own loss of stoicness frightened him. How much longer could he live alone like this? Would the silence finally break him... never a sound was made in this house and he was beginning to feel so alone. Remus allowed his shoulders to fall in defeat, the tears continuing to fall slowly and silently.  
  
A small crash in the kitchen made his head snap up, rushing into the room, he looked for what could have made the noise. The cupboard door stood open, and on the linolium floor lay the cup and saucer, smashed and laying silent. It was a simple spell really, his rational side reminded Remus, one simple phrase that would fix the two dishes. But for some reason-the same reason Remus supposed, which had kept him from ever even touching the cup and saucer-Remus couldn't find the strength to reach for his wand and fix them. Once again, feeling broken, he sagged against that wall sat on the cold floor, his knees pulled up and chin rest atop them. Remus could feel the odd prickling sensation behind his eyes, his throat felt swollen, a knot formoing to keep him from uttering even a small sob of misery.  
  
"Sorry about that." A quiet voice said, and Remus felt, rather then heard, this stranger-who he hadn't let into his house-shuffle towards the broken pieces.  
  
The voice struct a familiar chord in the back of his mind... but Remus was feeling too distraught to pay much attention. His eyes widened and he reached out to stop the stranger from touching the pieces, he grabbed the arm of the intruder and simply whispered, "Don't."  
  
He felt movement as the stranger stopped reaching for the pieces. "Sorry..." was the murmured apology. Remus let go of the rough cloth sleeve and looked up into the face of his visitor. Remus couldn't help it, he let out a strangled moan and felt his shoulders begin to tremble. I've gone mad he thought idly, the thought oddly comforting in some strange way. "Remus..." he whispered to himself, and heard his voice crack, "Remus you've finally lost it..."  
  
"Remus, what's the matter?" the familiar voice caused Remus to release the tears he had previosly held back.  
  
"Dreams... I thought they only attacked at night... I think I need an aspirin..." Remus stumbled to his feet and opened a nearby cupboard. Pulling out a small bottle of pills he took them out.. but he couldn't seem to get a good enough grip to take off the cap.  
  
"Remus. Look at me. It's me Sirius." The tall man with his long, sleek black hair falling gracefully about his handsome features, looked at his old friend with what looked like desperation in his dark gaze.  
  
"Impossible-"choked out Remus,"-Sirius Black is with Dumble-dumbledore, protecting his godson... you are simply an illusion. Something brought on by my delirium and something that broke Sirius' cup and saucer... why did you do that?"  
  
"I had hoped to make some tea before you knew I was here... " Sirius's voice sounded calm and soothing, and his eyes shone with worry for his friend.  
  
"You must be mistaken." Remus stated grimly, "You see, Sirius has been free for more than two years. He had plenty of time to come and make a house call... but he's been on the run... he's with Harry now... Sirius Black is never coming back to this house."  
  
"But Moony-" Sirius stopped his eyes locking on Remus's own tear filled ones, which were shining with the dying sun's rays shining in through the open window.  
  
"Padfoot has to look after himself, it would be too dangerous to visit, that's why I was upset. You see, you broke the cup... those are his... the ones he used to use when he'd come to visit... I, th-they haven't been used in years and then you broke them... are you trying to tell me something...? Is Sirius never coming... is that why you broke the dishes... I-I was ho-hoping he'd come and see me again..." Remus once again settled himself onto the floor, and grasped his head in his hands.  
  
Warm, comforting arms enveloped him, and Remus let a sob escape his throat, grasping tightly to form of the other man.  
  
"Moony, I'm sorry I haven't been over to visit. I wish I had had more time with you before I had to run off two years ago... I'm sorry Moony..." a loving kiss to his forehead caused Remus to pause, he looked up at the taller man as tears rained down his face.  
  
"Padfoot... is it really you?" his voice sounded tiny in his own ears, which after years of dealing with the wolf inside, had become sensitive to any sound.  
  
"Yeah, it's me... Remus I've missed you so much... you can't even imagine-" Sirius answered, tightening his grasp on the shorter man.  
  
"Sirius..." murmured Remus, as he rested his head wearily against the thin chest, and listened to the quickening heartbeat inside.  
  
"Moony, before anything else, I have to tell you something." Sirius pulled them apart, so he could look his old friend in the eyes, to see his reaction. " When I was in Azkaban, I thought about you. What could have been, all the things I never said... what we could have been... we've always been so close Moony, and I don't ever want to loose that, but... I can't help thinking we could have been more... all those years wasted on 'What If's?' I don't want to live a lie any longer. When I was younger I convinced myself to be satisfied with 'Just Friends'... but now... with everything that is to happen... all the uncertainties. I want to be sure of one thing, I want to stand beside you and be with you, no matter what happens Moony. I want you. I love you. I always have."  
  
Remus stilled in Sirius grasp, he looked at his friend with disbelief, his mouth opening just a bit, he almost forgot to breathe. Sirius looked at him, and his gaze was so intense, so (as corny as it seems) serious, Remus couldn't look away. He fell in awe of this man in front of him. Always the Gryffindor, brave to the bone to have been able to put his feelings out without hesitation. Sirius's eyes clouded with worry, and Remus saw him begin to draw back behind the walls he'd built up when in Azkaban.  
  
" Sirius..." Remus was able to choke out. Tears welling up and starting to fall once again, he cursed himself for being so sentimental, and embraced Sirius tight enough almost to a point of making it painful. " I love you to Sirius, I waited for so long... I was always so worried!" Remus hid himself, laying his head against Sirius's chest.  
  
"Remus...." Sirius murmured into Remus's hair. Gently, so as not to startle his friend, he lessened the embrace, and taking Remus face in his hands, he leaned in and captured Remus's lips with his own.  
  
The kiss was bittersweet, years of misery pouring forth into the connection of bodies and emotions running wild in their hearts. Slowly, Sirius coaxed Remus's mouth open and Remus felt himself drown in the emotions and feelings he experienced from Sirius's lips and tongue. He felt himself whimper in ecstasy. Finally, Remus was able to live out his dream. Sirius next to him, being able to voice his feelings and have them returned.  
  
Sirius broke the kiss, and looked Remus straight in the eye, " Remy, I don't know what's going to happen... but I want to be with you no matter what. Even if the world crumbles and we're thrown into some pitwhole in Hell... I want to be with you."  
  
Remus smiled the first real smile in years, " I also want to be with you, every step of the way."  
  
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AN:  
  
Cheezy maybe?? I dunno you, people tell me. Sorry if there is any type of grammar error.. I'm prone to never reading over any of my works. The title of this fic comes from a Michelle Branch song (entitled, who guessed, "Here With Me", 3 that song! Oh, and if someone who pays attention to detail looks at the end and wonders... what happened to the cup and saucer? After Rem and Siri stop snogging, they fixed the two pieces and had some nice warm tea. =^^=  
  
Read? - Well obviously you just did that...  
  
Review?-Your choice... I believe there is a little box down to the left that opens a handy little window that you can reveiw with. I appreciate it ^^  
  
enchantress646  
  
"Creativity spawned from an inactive mind." -Me. 


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